Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
Randomize
