A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize
