You're completely useless in the revolution.
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
