how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize
