THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize
