he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
Man, jail baloney is awful.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
