Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
