So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
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