There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Randomize
