I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
Randomize
