i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
Randomize
