Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
