I met the friendliest cop last night
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
