"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
Randomize
