So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
Randomize
