She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
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