Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
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