So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
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