Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
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