At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
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