oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
i drank out of a bidet.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
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