When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
Randomize
