I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
