You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
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