Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
Randomize
