I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Randomize
