i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
Can you repeat that, but with context?
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
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