I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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