I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
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