Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
