Non-Jews are for practice
this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
Randomize
