It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
Even the bartender felt bad for me
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
i now understand why vodka
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
Randomize
