i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
Randomize
