You just made me feel so damn special
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
Randomize
