May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
Randomize
