Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
How naked do you want me to be?
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
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