Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
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