My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
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