well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
Randomize
