he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
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