its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
