tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
Randomize
