I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
