my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize