Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
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