I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
Randomize
