I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Randomize
