So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
Operation Purity has been aborted
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
