Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
Randomize
