He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
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