The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
Randomize
