My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
Randomize
