the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
and eventually we just all took our pants off
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
Randomize
