I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
I faked an abortion last night.
what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Randomize
