i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
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