his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
Randomize
