i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
Basic items
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
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