whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
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