tell your sister to shave her snatch
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
