I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Randomize
