I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
