you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
Randomize
