She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
cat food counts as protein by the way
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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